Holidays are one those amazing times in the year, where people just change their day to day lives and routines dramatically and get together to celebrate, where they meet all for one purpose. I find it amazing how people become joyful and relaxed and harmonious for a certain period in the year, and after the season they are back in track with their day to day lives. And the whole surroundings are changed, it is filled with magic.
As much as it can be so good, the holidays also come with its challenges.
Especially if you are someone who is making a change in your life, who is on a journey of upgrading life and if you are someone who is working on your wealth blocks or someone who is at a good place in your business or a transformational phase, it could be daunting meeting with the family and friends and having to explain all about it.
Many of us women face this almost in every holiday season, and that is something which makes us stressed out, but we rarely address this situation. When we don't address this situation at least to ourselves, we pretend that everything is OK and yet we happen to face it and we totally stress out or screw it up.
Now here are the tips for you to address the situation and how to get through the holidays season without sabotaging your wealth personality.
1. Be very clear about where you are in your life and journey, and in which level you are, and what do you want to achieve. Accept the fact that you are at a different level from some of the others, and be proud of it.
If you are someone who was or is working on your wealth blocks, who are in a transformational phase, someone who are working with a wealth coach, someone who are seriously taking bold actions to change your identity to a wealthy identity, or someone who is working towards your next money goal, you may differ radically from the rest o f the crowd.
You know your family and friends, and so you should have an idea of where they are in their journey, and what are the things that they give priority, and the way they think.
And so you know how different they are to your believes and motifs.
And this fact, you need to accept. One mistake many women do is they try to pretend that there is no difference.
They have been doing this enormous work on themselves, paying for coaching and taking bold actions, working and taking steps according to an upgrade plan for life and yet they pretend like there is no difference.
Majority of the people work in the cooperative world, and they get a paycheck, they pay taxes and they live the rest of their lives in the same way and that is actually not a bad thing. Infact, that is the standard way of living.
And you, on the other hand, are different. You have been doing that enormous amount of work because you don't want to live and die an average life. You have been working with a wealth coach because you want to hit that next money goal of yours, you want to unblock those wealth barriers, you want to change your identity to a wealthy identity, you want to create a millionaire mindset or you want to upgrade your life and your business.
You want to finally create that beautiful life of your dreams, your ideal luxurious life. And yes, it includes lots of money, lots of amazing travelling, dining in ritzy restaurants, travelling in First class, outsourcing all the help you need and having time for you just to spend a whole day in the spa, and that is NOT BAD! That is amazing! And no one is just going to give you this life on a plate, and you are really working and taking real effort to achieve this kind of life. And when you finally get to live this life, you totally deserve it, and no you are not going to apologize for having money and wealth. You have earned it and you are going to celebrate it!
So when you meet your family on holidays, when you have this unapologetical vision, you face them stronger.
There are lots of discussions all over the internet talking about how to deal with difficult people.Actually, it is not about that the people are really difficult, most of the time, it is the lack of knowledge of those people, or them feeling insecure. So what I mean here is, you can still have a very good time if you know what to talk without triggering them, and how to answer for those triggering questions thrown at you.
Just think that some family members are complaining about wealthy people. Just think someone says "Ah those rich spoiled buggers, how greedy they are that they always want to earn more, such bad and unhappy people"
That was a cliche, but it could be anything that they say which you don't agree.
So the first thing you could do is, just excuse and go to the loo. That is my number one trick. You don't need to involve in those not useful and triggering conversations.
But if this topic comes over and over either you can suggest or ask if they could talk about another subject, then if they respect you, they understand that you don't enjoy that topic and they will move on.
Or you could politely say with a little charming laugh "Well, in this case, we agree to disagree"
If you really feel like you want to say something like fire, don't do that. Now don't say "Oh uncle Sam, but I wonder how do you know that exactly because you were never rich".
And remember this sentence could either go in a very eye-opening way, or it could start a big fire. Don't risk it. Avoid this type of statement all the time. Because in the end, our purpose here is to make as less drama as possible. Trying to prove someone wrong is not our purpose here.
The key here is, don't go into the victim mode. Don't start to defend yourself. There is nothing to defend because you are not a victim. The answer to these questions should be a neutral explanation, not a defence.
When you go to defence mode, that immediately creates a sense of conflict in your conversation. People defend when they feel insecure and unsafe. Now you don't have any reason to feel insecure, because remember, you are yourself, and even a better self than your past. And you are going to stand very strong and confident.
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So the point here is, no matter what they say, no matter what they do which is not in your art, accept that people are different and that you have moved on from that level, and look at this situation dissociated. Look at this as a neutral observer. Try to look at this situation as an outside observer. That means you see yourself, sitting with the rest and having this conversation.
Look how far you have become and how different you have become, by taking effort to develop yourself and your life. So, accept the fact, that some people have not come in the same route in life, and that people are different, and that you cannot do anything about it. And Learn how to respect others, no matter how different they are, no matter at which level of intellect or life they are, after all, we are all humans.
And if you feel like that it is not fair to them that you are living a better life, or if you feel like that you should dim yourself a bit to make them feel better, do not do that. Stay as shiny as you are, stay as amazing as you are, stay proud of what you have and who you are, yet accept the fact that there are people who haven't reached there. And perhaps they will never be. And that is the reality and accept that reality.
This is the bitter truth, isn't it? We always try to butter it up, pretending such differences don't exist but isn't it the truth? So let's accept it and will do what we can do. That is to be responsible for our lives. That is the only thing you can control.
The best part is, when you look at them in that very neutral and understanding way, they start to notice it. You will be surprised. They really start to notice that you are not even getting angry although you don't agree. And then that makes them feel at unease to carry on asking triggering questions, so most probably they will stop talking about those topics.
The key here is, stay still as who you are, yet respect others.
2. Have a response ready to go and role-play the scenario in your mind before the event.
When you meet your family or friends that you haven't met in a long time, you know that they are going ask you lots of questions, and that includes about your career, business and life.
So before you attend the occasion, prepare an answer for every possible triggering question. Because when you do this ahead, you do this when you are mostly neutral. Those answers you will prepare are not made with anger or other emotions. And another advantage here is that you will not feel overwhelmed or stuck or petrified when those questions or situations will be thrown at you. You would rather react to them like a pro, like a lady.
The idea behind it is, for you to not to shake the beautiful personality that you have been creating.
Just think somebody asks you about your work, or about your business. They may ask very private questions or the ones you would rather not talk about. If you don't have an answer prepared what happens is you suddenly petrify at a moment and then you give some random and might not be the cleverest answers just to escape that awkward situation. And those are the type of answers that you regret later, and which makes those occasions scary for you.
Somebody could ask you "Oh I have seen your website and don't you think that you are charging too much?"
This is a typical question. Now in this case, just swallow those emotions and take that answer which you already prepared. Remember, there will always be a conversation about your prices. Take my word for it, and be prepared. You could say "It is great that you had a look at my website and to show interest in my work. And by the way, I run my business for a certain level of customers, and my services are not for the market below that."
I was asked the same question. I was asked why I am charging the amount I am charging, but it came in a way like I am ripping people off. And the worst thing is, then even before I answered, somebody else volunteered to defend me, by saying " No no in her line of business you don't get clients often. So when you get about one or two customers that make good money, and that is why it is expensive."
Then my honest reaction within me was to ask them to back off. But instead I said " Thanks for defending me, but honestly, that is not the reason. My prices are what they are because of their high value and the value they bring to my customers. And I happen to have way more customers than one or two, enough to run a whole business"
Now, these questions are asked sometimes intentionally or sometimes unintentionally. Some people are honestly not so thoughtful, and they don't think in advance that this shouldn't be asked. So the best strategy here is just to give a reasonable but neutral answer and then to move on as soon a possible to a new topic. Remember, the purpose here is to have the holiday time as smooth as possible, not to prove how wrong someone is. So when you have an answer ready to go, this becomes really easy.
Just play these possible events in your head before the event. Just imagine yourself entering that room or to that house where you meet all these people. Imagine yourself being there, keeping your head straight, not losing your beautiful and strong identity, and yet communicating with people, looking at them as we are all human, understanding that people have differences yet respecting each other and being your best self out there.
I do this every time, even now.
3. Be clear about gift exchanging policy
Exchanging gifts is one of the best parts of the holidays. It has been a tradition for such a long long time, and that is a tradition we are carrying to the future with pleasure. Although it is an amazing thing to do, it could also make unnecessary stress if you are not very thoughtful.
Sometimes, we except from others or from our loved ones that they will be able to read our minds and to know the perfect gift for us. And what happens is, they don't have the magic to read our minds, and so we end up being disappointed.
I learnt a very good lesson from my husband's family. Just a month before Christmas, they call us and ask our list of Christmas gifts that we would like to have. So they buy one of those items in the list, plus some more chocolates and Christmassy things to make it even better.
At first, I thought, wow what a fun-killing family! There is no fun because it is like you are asking what you want, and they buy it for you. But after a few years, I realized that this is the key to a good gift exchanging with no hassle.
Yes, it is true when you are kids, you always love the surprise and many of the parents buy some toys, books or things that they know their children like. But when you grow older, you get to a point that you know exactly what do you want in life, and you become selective about what you want to add into your life. So getting a gift that has nothing to do with you or that has no value to you could make you unhappy. Yes, you can always re-gift it, or give to charity, but be honest isn't there a part of you that still really wishes that you could also have a better gift?
Perhaps someone can gift you something they knew that you liked before, but you have moved on to a new level of life and that now you have a completely different taste of things. But how should the other person know that exactly? Well, the key is communication.
Communicate about this year's gift exchanging policy like adults. Have a fair conversation and tell the other person what you would like to have.
What we do is, we make a list before about one and half month to Christmas. And we share it in a shared online document where all the family members actually can see it. My husband and I share two lists from each of us, and then we also communicate with the parents what we wish to have, and about what they wish to have. So it includes lots of lists! And that is how to do gift exchanging as adults, with no hassle.
4. Make sure that the holidays include your favourites.
Holidays is not just one day or a few days where you have to meet family, exchange gifts or do all the traditions and customs. Holidays is a season where you can create so much fun, just the way you want it.
Some of us indeed choose to meet family, do the shopping, and exchange gifts and to celebrate it together. But make sure that the season includes time for yourself as well.
Go and buy your most favourite dress for the season. Invite your best friends to your house for a glühwein or hot chocolate night. Go to the Christmas market with your favourite people and have fun. Book a salon appointment and get brand new hair colour and hair cut, and spend a whole day in the spa. Get special manicures done for the holidays. Bake all the Christmas biscuits and puddings, as much as you want.
Whatever your favourite things are in the holidays, make sure that you plan for these things. And make sure that the holiday season doesn't feel like a duty, rather a season of fun and freedom.
When it comes to me, I spend most of the nights in the Christmas market with friends and my husband drinking glühwein, and the rest of it baking, shopping, spa, salon while I also have to work. I make sure that I enjoy the season to its fullest, no matter what.
The key here is, permit yourself to enjoy it. Believe that you deserve to have fun, to its fullest in this season.
After all, holidays are supposed to be happy, and not to be stressful. So it is all in your hands to turn it to a happy one or to a stressful one. Remember, you don't have to do anything. It is all a choice.
Those tips I mentioned above are the ones that help you if you choose to go in the way which is quite usual and traditional for the holidays, which is to meet family and friends and to celebrate together. But if you are someone who just flies somewhere with your significant partner for holidays without all the family and friends time, that is totally fine and if that is your way of celebrating, that is what you have to do. In fact, we have also done the same in a few times.
Anyway, my mission here is to let you not just survive the holidays but to enjoy it to it's fullest, with all the challenges that come with it, and yet to not to shake your wealth identity even a bit and to face stronger and confident.
Don't forget, life is a choice with all the bits and pieces of it. And all those choices lay on your hand, on your hand alone.